Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
