oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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