Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
