Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
