Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
