You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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