Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
This is not my ceiling
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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