Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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