haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
