Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
