i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
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So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
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Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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