Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
