clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
