1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.