Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.