"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
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Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
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Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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