I faked an abortion last night.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
21 People Confess What Itâ€™s Really Like At An Orgy
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.