Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(956): View more from Texas

I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward

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(863): View more from Florida

I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins

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(602): View more from Arizona

Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.

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These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Read it at the TFLN blog
(815): View more from Illinois

Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?

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(203): View more from Connecticut

WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS

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(563): View more from Iowa

Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands

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(618): View more from Illinois

You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.

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