"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.