I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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