I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
