my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another