Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?