She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
