I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
