"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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