Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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