All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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