Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
