I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
