He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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