no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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