I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
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The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
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that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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