I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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