I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
