i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
