WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
