Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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