I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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