don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize