to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
