my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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