My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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