okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Randomize
