those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Randomize
