awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
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Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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