she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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