rhymes with "ouble enetration"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
