8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
