Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
