Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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