he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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