"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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