you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
