I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
