party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
