were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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