3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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