your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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