you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
