I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
